Pre-nup Lessons from Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries

If anyone anywhere should have a prenuptial agreement, it would seem to be Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.

Both are successful, media and financially savvy, and live and work in the spotlight. They have already survived rumors of their alleged “other interests.” While they are young, they are not looking at love entirely through rose-colored glasses. If the reported prenuptial arrangements are true, they are trying to provide for a predictable and civilized ending if they do not live happily ever after. Presumably, she will get to keep the 20 carat ring that we have all been reading about.

As a family lawyer, I applaud them for recognizing that love might actually go more smoothly if they can eliminate the inevitable fights over their respective spending and personal indulgences by dealing with them in the early days of their relationship.

Even for the super rich, it goes without saying that your partner can and will find something to criticize about your discretionary spending or your bill-paying habits or your investment approaches. All of that battling can be avoided with a prenuptial agreement – one that spells out what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours.

But for the less than super rich, a prenuptial agreement has to be much more creative and geared toward empire-building together. That’s where real love and real negotiating skills are tested.

A prenuptial agreement for the less-than-rich-and-famous can provide some level of protection for the assets of each party, as well as some insulation against the debts and liabilities of the other. Ideally, it also sets up the building-blocks for a joint empire where each party is contributing either dollars or time, or nurturing and parenting. Sometimes they are even taking turns making those contributions.

Prenuptial agreements are finally getting to be romantic – yes, romantic! – because more couples are seeing them as the first big challenge of a big love. A couple can prove to each other that the underlying financial realities of the relationship are safe subjects to be examined.

How they communicate about finances can be a good indicator of how well they will communicate about all the really important but sensitive issues they will face. Skills on handling money disagreements, like “time-outs” when the issue gets too heated, or agreeing to consult with experts on questions like deferred assets or business values, are valuable skills to acquire.

More importantly, how a couple learns to compromise about their respective financial wants and needs (and truthfully, every one of us has money hang-ups of some kind) can set the stage for a lifetime of successful compromises over the inevitable disagreements of day-to-day love.

Whether you have combined assets of tens of millions like Kim and Kris, or tens of thousands like most couples, the negotiations and self-disclosures surrounding a prenuptial agreement can be the most valuable wedding gift you give to each other.

Tagged as: Divorce, Pre-nup, wedding and contract

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Gemma Allen is a partner in Ladden & Allen, Chartered, and has practiced family law for most of her career. Ms. Allen has written more than 50 articles and lectured on topics that include divorce, child support, maintenance, mediation, cohabitation, women and money, and reconciliation. She helps you navigate modern relationships in “Relationship Gems.”