Why Won't George Clooney Commit?

Mr. Clooney is a handsome bachelor and successful movie star with the taste and aplomb to have his get-away home in one of the most beautiful parts of Italy, near Lake Como. He seems to genuinely like people and care about the less fortunate, and has the grace to appear both daring and humble in pursuit of good causes.

Then why have a succession of beautiful women – some with substantial accomplishments of their own – not believed him when he says he will never marry again?

The George Clooney relationship puzzle clearly illustrates a common difference between men and women: women think that they can change men, while men know they can’t. As they frequently assume the nurturer role in a relationship, women often think it is possible to persuade someone who loves them to fundamentally alter their character or habits.

In my practice as a family attorney, my heart aches for those women clients who long hoped that once a man really loves them, he would either marry them, want to have a child with them, stop traveling for a living or otherwise make the fundamental character and lifestyle changes women so often desire.

In every instance, the men themselves had adamantly stated or at least indicated that those behavior changes were highly unlikely. Obviously, once these women have reached the stage where they are consulting with our firm, they have finally accepted the fact that the men they loved were not going to change – that they are not going to turn the Titanic, so to speak.

They are a little bitter, very sad and angry at themselves as well as the man “who done them so wrong.” They are disappointed by the way their lives turned out.

The lesson here is a simple but important one: Believe adults when they tell you that they will never marry or marry again. Trust them when they say they do not – do not – want children or a traditional married life. They know what they are saying, and they know themselves. If and when they change, it will be because of timing in their own life and will have little to do with a woman at hand. Believe in yourself enough to know that the choice is yours. Either accept and enjoy the relationship with its presenting limitations, or move on.

For the next woman in Mr. Clooney’s life – and you know who you are (probably in your early to mid-30s, brunette, slim, attractive, with a little wildness in your aura) – know that you can either enjoy the glamorous and heady ride, which will last about two years, or decide not to fly up in the rarefied air with him.

To tell yourself there is any other option is to set yourself up for the inevitable crash.

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Gemma Allen is a partner in Ladden & Allen, Chartered, and has practiced family law for most of her career. Ms. Allen has written more than 50 articles and lectured on topics that include divorce, child support, maintenance, mediation, cohabitation, women and money, and reconciliation. She helps you navigate modern relationships in “Relationship Gems.”