Dating Spreadsheets: Useful or Disastrous?

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A smart way to organize — just keep it to yourself

Last week, I wrote an article about man whose 1600 word post-date “email rant” to the woman who had spurned him had gone viral (much to his chagrin). Well, it seems another man’s private dating writing has gone viral post date, but this time it was a Dating Spreadsheet replete with names, photos, a rating system and a “monitoring” system. Apparently, he had mentioned this Dating Spreadsheet to a very hot date and she asked to see it. Disarmed, he emailed it to her and she was so amused that she could not help but share it with her friends and then the world via the web and the New York Post.

Oh, how he regrets that! He has issued a public apology saying his spreadsheet was crass and has removed himself from Match.com and most likely lives in mortal fear that he will never get, umm…another date again. It’s a shame too, as his cachet of dates were all very attractive women, though one received a modest 7.5 and a ‘keep monitoring to a minimum’ rating which made me laugh out loud. I guess it’s something about the word “monitoring” that brings to mind the image of a physicist overseeing nuclear reactors.

What’s even more of a shame is that I do think it was very smart of him to keep a dating spreadsheet, regardless of its crassness. As he said himself, he’s very busy and wanted to keep track of his dates. And who can blame him, you meet a lot of people on online dating sites and it can benefit you to keep a record of the details, especially if you get to the date two stage with someone. You’ll want to remember details about that person from the first date so that you can make great conversation and charm your way to date three, right?

With that in mind, here is some advice for your personal dating spreadsheet – and again I can’t emphasize PERSONAL enough:

Details: The best thing about a Dating Spreadsheet is to keep track of details so you don’t mess things up (say the wrong thing to the wrong guy). Keep track of his username (if online) & real name, what does he do, where he’s from, how you connected? It’s easy to forget these details when you’re nervous on a first date. Also, what did you talk about? Where did you go? What did you like or not like about him? And if you’re like most of us, what did you wear? Wouldn’t want to repeat an outfit (only partly joking here)!

A to F or 1 to 10? A rating system is entirely up to you. It’s for your eyes only after all. A rating system might help you, especially after consecutive dates. Someone who seemed a 7 on date one might be a 9 on date two. I recommend an A-list, B-list, and so on – just keeps it easier. Again, unless the date is really terrible, you should go on a second date to see if chemistry develops (chemistry can come WAY later in the game for women).

Tracking: This is where a Data Spreadsheet can really come in handy. Do you tend to have good first dates that don’t lead to seconds? Or are you impressed on the first date but never on the second? Sometimes, it might be you. If you’re not getting second dates, what might it be? Was it a tough day at work, and you were complaining about work – giving him the impression you’re a negative workaholic? Or, if you never want a third date, maybe you may be too picky and should ask yourself why. Is it fear?

Analysis: This is the most valuable use of a spreadsheet. As I’ve said before, waiting for love to come to you without putting any work in is not the way to approach dating. You have to put in effort and a spreadsheet can help you organize your dating life and remember important details. And because you are dating consistently, as you should, you will see over time that patterns do develop. Perhaps you might see you are attracted to attractive men only, but who disappoint you emotionally. Or maybe you like someone emotionally, but don’t want to go further because they’re not attractive enough. This is where you analyze all of the details and can learn not only about your dates but about yourself, your past and how you can improve.

Finally, dating is work but there’s always a reward: great dates, hopefully that lead to an end of spreadsheets!

Bela_Gandhi

About Bela Gandhi

Bela Gandhi is the founder of Smart Dating Academy, a full dating coaching service that provides busy, successful professionals with one-on-one coaching, image consulting, personal shopping, professional photography and online dating consulting. She has been featured as a dating and relationship expert for the Chicago Tribune, WGN-TV, Tribune University, CL-TV, WGN Radio, RedEye and The Mash, and has been called "The Fairy Godmother of Dating" by the Huffington Post. Ms. Gandhi also has extensive personal career coaching experience through her affiliation and board membership with The Cara Program.