How to Tell When He’s Having an Affair


When my husband dumped me in June 2010, it wasn’t long before he moved in with another woman – 30 years younger than him, I might add. Honestly, he wasn’t being unfaithful prior to moving out. Mental maybe, but not physical. When he informed me that he was leaving, I was totally blindsided and to say I was shocked was an understatement. Are wives really the last to know?

We’d been together 17 years and once the word was out, girlfriends kept asking, “Didn’t you see the signs?” I began to think either I was incredibly naïve or stupid beyond belief. But in retrospect, months before leaving he did lose weight, bought a hot car, spent more time at work and seemed distant.

So, since the beginning of the year is a big month for breakups, I thought I’d share a few more insights on how to spot whether your guy is straying. For starters, if you have a dog, the nightly walks will probably get longer, even in brutally cold weather. He’ll start going to work on weekends. He may change his email password. You’ll wonder why he’s texting so often and locking his cell phone before he goes to bed. Suddenly he’s busy on Twitter and his Facebook page has photos of him dancing and having a ball and you’re not in them. If he’s “of a certain age” he’ll pepper conversation with expressions like “Hang on, I just need to check in on Foursquare.” If he was dance-challenged, he may sign up for lessons, take an interest in “Dancing with the Stars” or even ask you to show him the latest moves. At the annual office party, his assistant seems distant. Perhaps she knows something you don’t; after all she screens his calls. He’ll turn on television to catch “The Good Wife.” He’ll buy new clothes and they won’t be cheap. He may inquire about birth control and you’ve been post-menopausal for years. You inquire about the tiny bruises around his eyes and he tells you he got them at the gym – only it’s a result of Botox injections. You’re checking his pockets before sending his suit to the cleaners and a blue pill pops out. He no longer scoffs at erectile commercials. If he’s getting gray, you might find a Grecian Formula bottle in his medicine cabinet. But keep in mind that the dye isn’t always for his coif. When my friend Marsha’s marriage was on its last legs, she walked into the bathroom one day and was shocked to see her husband dying his chest hairs!


About Sherren Leigh

Sherren Leigh is president and founder of Today's Chicago Woman and Today's Chicago Woman Foundation. She muses about life - the good, the bad, the ugly - and anything else that's on her mind in “Girl Talk.” Sometimes funny, other times serious, she's always thought-provoking and often controversial.