5 Things the Government Shutdown Taught me About Buying Shoes
I was walking down Michigan Avenue on day 15 of the government shutdown, and my feet started to hurt. It was only a 15-minute walk but it was the most painful walk I could remember having in years. At first, I was unsure of the correlation between shoes and the government but I eventually figured it out. This is the story of the painful shoes I chose to wear on my ‘short’ journey down Michigan Avenue.
- Never buy cheap, cute shoes. They look great but you will hobble to wherever you’re going. And, by the time you arrive you will be sweating, cringing your face, and walking like you have a peg leg. You will look far from cute (which is the reason you bought the shoes in the first place) and be in so much pain that you will lose focus, productivity, and interest in whatever you were looking forward to attending. In fact, those shoes will end up costing you more than you paid and you’ll end up wishing you had never bought them.
- Have one comfortable pair of shoes. They may get old, ugly, and stink but they are soothing and full of comfortable memories. You can wear them all day with minimal, if any, complaint. The more they wear, the more comfortable they become; and if they tear, we let out a yelp. Finally, when they are beyond repair, we are not sad as we toss them out, we are out right depressed because it will be hard to find another pair just like them.
- Replace trendy shoes – often. They looked good at the time and even went with a certain outfit (that will NEVER be worn again). But, as time passes, one day you look at them and wonder, “WTH was I thinking?! Please, God, don’t let me have any pictures wearing this crap. Wait … I know; if someone asks me, I can always say I was experimenting or blame it on trying to help out the desperate sales lady.”
- Every shoe fits differently. Yeah, they may say they’re a size 7N but are they, really? Some shoes run big, small, narrow or wide depending on the manufacturer and brand. You can’t be sure until you try them on and walk down the aisle a few times before you buy them. Even then, the real test is the 15-minute walk down Michigan Avenue.
- Stilettos are not practical. They are too narrow and you can’t do shit in them. They only serve one purpose: to make your legs look slimmer. They are so impractical that if there were a fire you would get trampled like a ferret. On a separate note, if there were a fire and you wouldn’t take off your stilettos and run to safety, you’d be a special kind of person.
I had to get rid of my most comfortable and favorite pair of shoes last year, and I am still looking for another pair. I wonder where I can find a pair of comfortable, decent, nice looking shoes. It seems they don’t make them like they used to anymore. Sigh …
So there you have it: the five things the government shutdown taught me about buying shoes. Oh, here is the correlation I made between shoes and the government: Shoes are like politicians…some are cute and stupid, old and comfortable, reactive leaders or followers, no longer reflect the values of their party, and last but not least some politicians focus on achieving one thing while in office and have already calculated the casualties of war. It’s a price they negotiated beforehand in order to win.