So, you’ve got it all, right? The career, car, house, fashion and inner circle – these are the things that matter, or are they? What about family, ‘real’ friends or even a partner/spouse? What is important to you at any given stage in your life depends on what you value. And, contrary to popular opinion, what you value can be fluid and change over time as you evolve and mature.
First, it is important to understand that it’s okay to be alone – if it is your choice. Convincing yourself that you really want to be alone because you do not have the courage or will to face yourself and make the changes needed in order to be in a healthy relationship does not count! It simply means you are in denial and should prepare to be an old and lonely curmudgeon.
Anyway, if you are alone but prefer to share your life with someone then keep reading. Perhaps your focus initially was to get your career going so you can be independent and stable enough to take on more responsibilities. Or, maybe you were doing some personal work in preparation for meeting that special someone (how smart!). Or, maybe you realize that you need to look inside yourself to see and understand the role you play in why you are alone. Whatever the reason, if you want a partner, companion or spouse, here are some tips to get you going:
- Be honest with yourself. If you are unable to handle certain things now, or as they emerge, acknowledge it. This will give you the opportunity to take responsibility for your choices, make a choice that works for you, and work on making peace with whatever challenges you have. This will also show others (maybe even that special someone) that you are mature enough to handle setbacks and willing to grow.
- Be open with others. Stop considering others feelings and needs at the expense of your own. This is a surefire way to build resentment that will explode at THE most inopportune moment. Instead, consider their feelings and needs while holding onto your own. This will allow everyone to have a conversation about what to negotiate and teach people how to consider you, too!
- Get ready for MORE change. You are ever-growing and should be prepared to be a student of life. As you interact with others, you will find that some things will stir you up while others will soothe you. Consider this a character builder.
- Make room in your head and heart for another person. Sharing is caring so share with those whom you care for and care for you. Prepare to be forgiving and open to discuss what challenges you both and how to move past those challenges.
- Be kind to yourself. You can only be kind to others if you are first kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself, forgive your mistakes, and appreciate your gifts.
- Have fun!
In the end, our material possessions are just corn flakes. It’s how we spend our time and who we share our emotional and physical space with that gives us a sense of purpose and meaning. Ask yourself this, “If I lost everything I had today, who would I be? Who would I matter to other than myself? What change would I have made in the world?” The answer just might surprise you.
Are you successful and alone? Or, were you successful and alone but managed to evolve and now share your life with someone else? Or, do you think this blog is a crock of nothing? Do tell!