My Dearest Friend: Thoughts On Loss and Life

loss and life

My dearest friend, what can I say or do to make you feel better?

I’ve been thinking about what to do or say to my friends who’ve lost their loved ones. There must be something I can say or do to make things better for them. My heart aches to watch my friends go through such sadness and knowing that probably the only thing that might ease things is time. Unfortunately, time moves in slow motion during a tragedy.

Today, the funeral is over, the memorial is done and the gathering of remembering and praising is over between friends and colleagues. You find yourself standing all alone among his things, his smell and his loving presence everywhere you look. You find yourself feeling empty, hollow and incredibly lost. I know this because I have lost friends who were so dear to my heart.

I couldn’t believe the world was still going around me. The sun still rises and the sun still goes down. People are going places, making plans and having dinners…it’s like no one notices that you’ve lost your husband, your best friend. But that is how this world is; the world still goes around and round.

I know you want to be strong and keep up the brave front. In truth, you just want to scream to anybody you see that you’ve just lost the love of your life! Your life is no longer the same! You want the whole world to feel the same loss and pain. But you stop and realize that no one really hears you. To the world now, he was here one day and now he is gone. Gone forever. It didn’t happen to them today, this just happened to YOU, today. You realize this is your life today. This horrible, sad, unbelievable empty moment is all yours to hold and feel, now. It really starts to sink in, day after day, week after week. Now, you are going to bed alone, walking alone, eating alone. You are alone and finally it sinks in that he is not coming back. This is final.

My dearest, dearest friend, you know that life throws so many things at you and is a journey. These sad, unthinkable events make us stronger and help us mature. I would like for you to try to think of this as a new experience in your journey. God willing, you will never have to go through these losses. I guess it is only natural to lose your parents, or even family members — but not your lover, best friend and soul mate so soon.

Honey, do you remember when you first fell in love? How you felt? What incredible highs and lows you’ve experienced? If you were lucky enough to have truly felt love, you know how beautiful, how sad and how hurtful it can be. Feel this bittersweet pain, feel your heart rip apart, cry hard until you pass out, sing your favorite songs, scream or laugh like a crazy person, drink like a lost soul and taste the salt of your tears…the stage is all yours. Act it out like a star in a play. You’ve lived a love story that ended tragically, and it’s time to start another chapter. Our journey never ends until you can no longer breathe.

You have to know that your love was so pure and honest. You felt it, you smelled it, you lived it and you had it! Most people walk through life without knowing the meaning of love. Do you know how beautiful and how lucky you are? This is the saddest journey, but it is the journey that you will write. It will either be a brave, melancholy and beautiful story, or it will be devastating and dark without lights. Either way, there is no right or wrong way to mourn.

You know who you are; you are already writing it already. It is beautiful as it should be…whenever you get that down feeling, act it out or laugh! Laughter is a blessing, laughter puts oxygen in your heart and is a natural relief. We don’t do it enough. Some of us forgot how to laugh during our journeys.

Life is not cheap. Life expects a lot! We all pay for it with our trials and tribulations while living through all these obstacles and joy!

These are the feelings that the greatest love stories are written from, movies are made from and songs are born from. It’s an epic tale and you are at the start. You are that beautiful heroine in love, missing the love of your life, devastated and helpless. Love stories are so beautiful in the movies because they are truly beautiful in real life. This is you today! How many of us really fall in love in one lifetime? How many of us truly find a soulmate in one lifetime? YOU did! Feel all these beautiful God-given emotions that we are supposed to have as human beings. Take it all in, act it out, let your heart fill with such feeling that you’ve never felt before. Only a woman in love can feel these feelings.

Watching you go through this is excruciatingly painful and sad for your friends, but we are not able to feel all the things that you feel at any given moment. This is your journey to experience the beautiful memories and cherish the love you both have shared — and also to feel what it is like to have loved. All we can do is allow for you to let us love you and comfort you whenever you need. We are always there for you on the sidelines. I know you know that.

In my lifetime, I lost an unborn child, I lost my grandmother, I lost my best friends and I lost my best mentor. Each time the journey was different. With my baby, I found closure in a painting, now he is in the frame, forever a fixture in my life. With my grandmother, I accepted her death with the Buddhist’s way because that’s the way she wanted it. With my best friends, I wrote down their beliefs and memorized the wisdom that they left me. How they’ve made such a difference in my journey. Appreciating their unconditional love to me, how I will always miss talking to them and hearing their birthday wishes for me, feeling the warm comfort of the friendship…How I wish I could steal another kiss, another hug, another moment holding hands together…I think everyday about how you are doing with such a loss. Sometimes I think it’s easier if we all go together. No one needs to go through this pain.

My dearest friend, at the end of the day, we are all human beings with so many emotions. It is a curse and a blessing. Life is what you want your life to be. You are in a journey. You will decide your day when you face the world tomorrow, again and again. You are a beautiful, talented and an amazing human being! You have a whole different world and experiences ahead of you. You just need to grab it and make it your own! You will get there soon. And remember always that we will be there for you.

Your friend,

Tiffani Kim Griffith

Tiffani Kim

About Tiffani Kim

Tiffani Kim is an entrepreneur, fashion designer, artist and founder of the Tiffani Kim Institute Medical Wellness Spa in Chicago’s River North. Ms. Kim helps you stay youthful and healthy from the inside out in her blog, “Living Well and Beautifully” with advice, recommendations, trends and more.