In part one I talked about how we tend to handle negative emotions and in part two I talked about the effects negative emotions have on our body. In part three, I am going to talk about how to get rid of them once and for all.
The following is one process you can use to release negative emotions once and for all. I have included two books that I think are great for lay people and self-help fanatics at the end of the blog. I do encourage those who are looking to be focused and speedy in their results or have trauma/abuse as part of their history to use the books in conjunction with psychotherapy or hypnotherapy.
- Allow the emotion to arise. Do not judge it, allow it to be and observe it. It will usually go away on its own at the end of the process.
- Accept responsibility for how you feel. If you have a difficult time accepting responsibility, ask yourself: “What is the payoff I receive for feeling this way? Who am I blaming for this feeling or circumstance?” If you still have a difficult time, then question everything. Question where the feeling came from, why it is there, et cetera.
- Identify one of the first times you felt this way. Feelings are associated with other life events; try to identify some of those events and explore the meaning you attached to them regarding who you are – for example: do you feel unworthy or invisible.
- Change the context of the event. What would you have liked to feel instead? For example, would you have liked to feel brave, special or something else?
- Allow yourself to feel this positive emotion completely.
- Go back and identify the lessons from this chapter in your story. What did that teach you or help you learn? For example, if you realized that your feeling of anger is tied to being put down by your brother your entire life every time you attempted something new, perhaps you learned not to give up, to try harder and learn as much as you can about a topic in which you are interested.
- Embrace your pain and joy because they are part of your story. Every part of our life has prepared us to bring our unique gifts to the world. If you try to eliminate or deny a part of your life, you negate the power of your story and ability to create a life that reflects who you truly are.
In order to live a full life, you need to own who you are, the good and bad. Do not run from your negative emotions. Embrace them and allow them to teach you the lessons you have yet to learn. Transform them into high-level emotions like love, joy, acceptance and courage. The process is hard and the specifics look different for each person but it is completely doable! If you feel that you are stuck or struggling, you may want to consult a reputable psychotherapist.
The names of the two books that I think are helpful in dealing with negative emotions are: The Secret of the Shadow by Debbie Ford and Letting Go, The Pathway of Surrender by David Hawkins.