Negotiate with Parents While Wedding Planning
How to incorporate parents into the wedding planning process
How exciting – you’re engaged! You have found the love of your life and are about to get married. Of course, your future spouse isn't perfect, and really, neither are you right? Most important, neither are your (and your fiancé’s) parents. Knowing this reality is the first key step towards a positive experience while you are planning this most important day.
Planning a wedding is a sensitive time for many important relationships that will be with you long after your wedding day. This time often brings closer contact with your parents than either you or your fiancée may be accustomed to, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. The family unit that you have always had, just like that of your fiancée with his family is shifting from your family of origin to the new family that you and your partner are creating. You are now all becoming a new family!
Ideally, both the bride and grooms’ parents are helpful, supportive and welcoming during the wedding planning process, which sets a great tone for how all of these relationships will continue to grow over time. Of course, there are instances where mother of the bride (MOB) and mother-in-law “zillas” make a most unwelcome appearance during the planning of your wedding, often resulting in unreasonable demands, express disapproval, or an overall refuse to help or be helpful. Here are some tips to help deal:
Make sure your fiancée takes a fair share of the responsibility of dealing with his parents, just like you will be dealing with a hefty share of responsibility dealing with yours. We always kindly remind our brides that just because you are the bride does not mean you should fall into the common (and very headache inducing!) trap of being the one who has to deal with all family turmoil! Your fiancée, like you, is an adult and you can deal with these things together. You are after-all a team!
One of the most important things you can do after you become engaged and you share the joyful news with family and friends is to sit down with both sets of parents and ask if they would like to contribute to your wedding. They may already have in mind specific things that they would like to pay for, and knowing this in advance can simplify their involvement and your overall planning experience. Information and knowledge are power here - the more you know the better you can prepare for how involved your mothers (or parents, we don’t want to leave out the dads!) will want to be. This could happen over a nice lunch – maybe even at a favorite restaurant. Make sure that if she has any ideas or suggestions that you respectfully and calmly hear her out. We all know that when we feel like we are being listened to we tend to be much more reasonable.
It only makes sense that if parents contribute a portion to the wedding or reception that a few of their wishes are granted.
Acquiesce to some of your mother and mother-in-law's wishes – IF within reason. For example, if either your mother or your mother-in-law demands you invite 50 last-minute guests, you need to respectfully tell her that is not possible, but perhaps you can try to accommodate 15 or 20 (you will have a more idea of your head count as reply cards start to come in, and this is a very simple way to provide a compromise). But a word of caution – do not feel obligated to acquiesce to all of her demands. You and your fiancée can and should put your collective foot down and say no when necessary.
Tagged as: wedding, wedding & parents, wedding planning and bridal tips
Michelle Durpetti owner of Michelle Durpetti Events, a full-service event and wedding planning firm specializing in all aspects of management and production. Michelle and her company offer clients expertise that will transform their event vision into an experience. www.durpettievents.com.
