Outplay the Players

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Beware the “dating coaches” and wannabe lotharios

If you’ve ever watched Two and a Half Men or come across a reference to ‘The Game’ or the ‘Pick Up Artist Community,’ you know the scenario: a self-proclaimed lothario coaches an unlucky-in-dating, hapless man on how to get luckier with the ladies. Sadly, it seems that premise has inspired a mainstream market of ‘seduction/date coaches’ whose sole advice is to teach men how to improve their “game” for seducing women. Just Google ‘Dating Coach for Men,’ and you’ll see macho men chewing gum, or so called ‘doctors’ giving tips for ‘dating.’

If only these male dating coaches were teaching men how to better themselves and how to find a long term mate; unfortunately, many are just taking a cue from Two and a Half Men‘s Charlie Harper and teaching men how to attract and seduce as many women as possible for short term sexual gratification.

So, while we’re spending hours and hard-earned dollars trying to attract the perfect mate and putting our faith in finding Mr. Right, some men gather secretly to learn new ways to, presumably, foil us. And despite what some apparent Prince Charmings claim on their online dating profiles, some are Charlie Sheen-wannabes who have infiltrated social network dating sites with the sole purpose of scoring.

So ladies beware of the players, and don’t let them win in the dating game!

“WINNING”

W: Would you like him if you weren’t drinking? It sounds old-fashioned and perhaps boring, but you might want to consider having first dates over beverages sans alcohol and more importantly, sans darkness! Alcohol blurs judgment and is often a player’s most valuable tool.

I: Insults you. If he tries to insult you upon first meeting or writing, he might not only be rude, but may be trying to manipulate you by making you think that he isn’t interested and you aren’t attractive. This is a classic manipulation technique that seducers are taught to throw attractive women off. It’s often called ‘negging’ (being negative). Sad, but true – so beware of the man that asks you, “What’s wrong with your hair?” “Did you forget to look in the mirror before you left the house?” It’s a ploy!

N: Not nice to his exes. If he is overly negative about his past relationships, be wary. History often repeats itself – listen carefully. There are two sides to every story and you only get his. How he tells his stories says a lot more about him than you might think.

N: Not available. He calls or, even worse, only texts intermittently and never has time on the weekends. It doesn’t add up. Working all of the time? Hmm, seems very suspicious. If someone is really interested in you, he makes himself available to you.

I: Instincts, instincts. If you notice him constantly checking his messages and your instincts say, “Wait a minute,” don’t ignore it. He’s not only insensitive, but why does his radar have to always be on? His attention should be on you – and if he is buzzing and beeping while you’re on the date, take some pause here.

N: No, I won’t sleep with him…until I have the level commitment with which I’m comfortable. Don’t make the mistake of letting your hormones blur your judgment. Alcohol can be bad enough, right? I know it’s difficult, especially if he’s attractive, funny and seems to have all of the qualities for which you are looking.

G: Great looking. I know we all want a great looking guy – and that’s the problem. If he’s so good looking, a lot of women also want him and that makes him much more likely to have opportunities to play. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but you really should ask yourself if you like him for what he has to offer on the inside as well.

And beware – not all ‘players’ are devastatingly handsome. There are scores of less attractive men who aspire to be what ‘seduction coaches’ call ‘sexually dominant males,’ meaning they put forth and image of strength and control that women find attractive, and thus begin their seduction to take you from dating to the bedroom as quickly as possible.

So, if you really want to know if he’s the real deal and outplay the players, suggest slowing things down a bit. If he balks and walks, he’s not genuinely interested in you or finding a long-term mate.

Bela_Gandhi

About Bela Gandhi

Bela Gandhi is the founder of Smart Dating Academy, a full dating coaching service that provides busy, successful professionals with one-on-one coaching, image consulting, personal shopping, professional photography and online dating consulting. She has been featured as a dating and relationship expert for the Chicago Tribune, WGN-TV, Tribune University, CL-TV, WGN Radio, RedEye and The Mash, and has been called "The Fairy Godmother of Dating" by the Huffington Post. Ms. Gandhi also has extensive personal career coaching experience through her affiliation and board membership with The Cara Program.