Six Dating Mistakes

How to avoid the most common dating mistakes

No one has a perfect dating record. Let’s face it, we’ve all made dating mistakes that make us cringe – even when recalling them years later. But major dating slip-ups are avoidable if you recognize them before they happen. With sunny days around the corner, what better time to evaluate your romantic habits? Now is the time to revamp your dating philosophy and learn from these common mistakes before making them.

Mistake #1 Expecting to get a date by sitting alone on your couch.
It’s great to believe in fate; however, you have to put yourself out there and make yourself available. There are plenty of quality, commitment-minded single men in Chicago – and they aren’t going to be found in your all-girl Pilates classes, in line at your favorite cupcake bakery or in the fashion magazine section of Barnes & Noble. Go out of your usual comfort zone. Venture to the weight room at the gym, explore a new spot for happy hour or hit up a sports bar for the big game. Actively look for potential romance with as much zest as anything else you want in life. There’s no shame online dating or in enlisting a matchmaking firm, such as my company, Selective Search.

Mistake #2: Confusing hard-to-get with impossible-to-talk-to.
Ask a close guy friend to give you his honest feedback about your mannerisms and the vibe you give off to members of the opposite sex. Are you approachable? Do you seem warm and happy or do you appear cold and aloof? By no means throw yourself at a guy, but don’t shoot him down right away either. An innocent chat doesn’t commit you to anything. Best-case scenario: you two hit it off. Worst-case scenario: you politely excuse yourself and walk away. If you see a guy you’re interested in, give him a smile from across the room or boldly walk over and introduce yourself.

Mistake #3: Believing his words over his actions.
We know the famous “I’ll call you” line rarely means he’ll call you. Don’t spend the subsequent few days sitting by the phone. The same goes for anything else he says in the early part of a relationship. Words are only words and it’s easy for him to tell you what you want to hear. The important part is that you hold him accountable for following through. Focus on his actions when you’re getting to know him. The actual effort he puts into developing the relationship says a lot more than his words.

Mistake #4: Playing dumb so you don’t intimidate him.
Forget the stigma that successful women intimidate men. Do you really want to date a guy who isn’t impressed by your accomplishments? Most men are attracted to women who are intelligent, passionate about their career and able to be intellectually stimulating. Be yourself and be proud of your accomplishments. Don’t lie about your work or current position because you think it will make him more comfortable. If he can’t handle it, he’s definitely not for you.

Mistake #5: Misusing Facebook and texts.
Don’t let electronic communication be your primary source of communication. Sure, it’s convenient and even appropriate in some situations, but it should not take the place of face time or phone calls. Not only is it impersonal, it also leaves lots of room for miscommunication. Make sure you know your audience. Does he love texting back and forth just as much as you? If not, save that for your girlfriends. On Facebook, make sure you’re projecting the best image of yourself. Sure, a flirty photo with your girlfriends can actually work in your favor, but if you have a drink in every photo or are posing with a guy a majority of them – you may want to do some online spring cleaning!

Mistake #6: Latching on too soon.
Whether you’re playing it cool or overtly showing your interest, guard your heart, yet stay in the game – no sitting on the sidelines! Remember, it’s not just him who’s doing the selecting – so are you. So if he wants to date you, make sure you truly believe he’s someone you see a long-term fit with. Don’t stay with him because he’s better than most guys you’ve met and all your friends are in relationships. One the flip side, if he’s someone you’re in deep like with, it’s easy to get carried away or even obsessed with thinking about a new guy or a budding romance. Just make sure you keep it in perspective…take a step back and realize that your ultimate happiness doesn’t rest on one guy. If things don’t work out, there are plenty of men out there who’d be lucky to be with you. You just have to get out there and meet them!