Spurned Lovers

Donald Sterling blog, ID-10017788, freedigitalphotosdotnet, graur razvan ionut

A danger to your wallet and reputation.

When one in is in a loving relationship, pillow talk and shared confidences are part of the intimacy game. It seems so delicious to reveal our secrets to our soul mate and feel safe and accepted in the cocoon of the moment. But are secrets ever really safe? Should you reveal to anyone what you would not want to reveal to everyone? The answer would seem to be written large across the LA Clippers sky: NO.

V. Stiviano, the 31-year-old girl friend at the center of a scandal involving Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling, is being sued by his wife and has been identified as the woman heard on an audio recording of a racist diatribe attributed to the Clippers’ owner. The NBA then announced it is banning Sterling for life.

Donald Sterling is paying a very high price, but then again his offense was beyond offensive. Did he ever expect his players and fans to know the extent of his racial prejudice and arguable level of inhumanity? Probably not, although in this case his arrogance and the length of time he had been allowed to get away with offensive behavior probably made him feel invincible. While his case is larger than life in both the quality of his offense and the quantity of the dollars involved, there is a cautionary tale there for everyone.

As a family law attorney, I cannot tell you how frequently an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend of the opposing spouse has helped me on behalf of the spouse I was representing. I have been pointed in the right direction of secret bank accounts, hidden stashes of cash and even the existence of a whole other secret family or life by anonymous emails, letters and even crazy cut-out letters from newspapers that accused the offending spouse of everything from theft to racketeering. I have received long, heartfelt letters from former lovers detailing bank transactions, trips taken, methodologies for hiding expenditures, and in one case, the fact that an alleged fatal health diagnosis was a lie!

Even if you look into some of the greatest corporate scandals you will often find a disenchanted lover at the heart of the matter – someone who knew just enough and was just bitter enough to nudge an internal investigation into operation. The lesson here is clear. Keep those deep, dark secrets to yourself no matter how tempting it may be to share them. Your current and future economic health, and, in fact, your entire reputation, may be at stake.

Image courtesy of graur razvan ionut via freedigitalphotos.net


About Gemma Allen

Gemma Allen is a partner in Ladden & Allen, Chartered, and has practiced family law for most of her career. Ms. Allen has written more than 50 articles and lectured on topics that include divorce, child support, maintenance, mediation, cohabitation, women and money, and reconciliation. She co-authored The New Love Deal: Everything You Must Know Before Marrying, Moving In, or Moving On! and helps you navigate modern relationships in “Relationship Gems.”