Unconsciously Undeserving: The Source of Emptiness

Many of us believe we deserve and therefore strive to live a full and abundant life. However, for some, despite the face of external success or hopeful struggle, there is emptiness and starvation. The unbearable truth is many of us unconsciously feel unworthy, undeserving, unwanted, tolerated and hated. If you don’t believe me, ask yourself the following:

-Are you always struggling to make things happen? Does it seem as if there is never enough of something?

-Do you feel you have to be someone else in order to be accepted?

-Have you forgotten who you are or gave up on becoming who you would like to be?

-Do you feel like even though your life is going as planned, deep inside something is missing? Or, on the other hand, do you feel your life is not going as planned because something is missing?

-Do you feel like the life is being sucked out of you?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you feel undeserving of the life you outwardly say you want, or you have achieved the life you want but feel empty inside. The most logical question one would ask is: “Why would I feel undeserving of happiness?” The answer is simple: “That was the conclusion you made about yourself a very long time ago.”

When we are children, there are events and cumulating experiences that influence the direction of our lives. It is in these experiences that we make conclusions about who we are and decisions about how to behave based on those conclusions. This is the unconscious template/blueprint that we use to live our life, as we grow older.

Now, some people can pinpoint significant events in their lives where something happened to and affected them. This event could be a trauma, a wake up call or something else. Then there are those who are unable to recall a specific event but have a ‘feeling sense’ of a significant event(s). At those moments, each of us makes certain conclusions about who we are and then makes decisions regarding how to behave, which supports the conclusions we make about ourselves.

Some of the conclusions people make are: I’m unwanted, I was a mistake, I’m unworthy, I’m unlovable, et cetera. Some of the decisions about how to behave are: I will be alone, I will not trust anyone, I will take care of myself, et cetera.

Let’s use a VERY generic example:

The mother of a 5-year-old continuously rejects and overlooks her child’s needs for affection. As a result, the child has concluded they are unworthy of love and decided to stop expecting support and encouragement. As the child grows and develops, they are overly independent, feel isolated, are awkward or uncomfortable in social settings, have a difficult time with intimacy and are unaware of their emotional needs or all of the above.

As an adult, this child could look like a very quiet, pre-occupied individual who has a difficult time asking for or receiving recognition, affirmation or nurturance. They may even struggle to feel connected to or accepted by others at a more intimate level because they fear being rejected or ridiculed.

Now this is just an example of a possible profile. Each person’s “source” experience will be different.

I recommend either: Psychotherapy, Heart Centered Hypnotherapy, Vibrational Energy Work or some combination of the three.

Psychotherapy is effective for those who are looking to get to the source in a thoughtful and tempered way. Depending on the patient, therapist, and frequency of treatment, getting to the source can take several months or a few years. I quite enjoy doing psychotherapy because it allows one to be analytical during the session and it is practical for most people.

For those who are looking to get to the source of their experience a little more quickly and heal the trauma during the session, heart centered hypnotherapy is the best bet. Heart centered hypnotherapy is therapy that done in a deep state of relaxation and the patient is fully conscious. In hypnotherapy, getting to the source can take anywhere from one to six sessions or more depending on the patient and their ability to regress. While anyone can do hypnotherapy, not everyone is ready and can handle it; sometimes they need to be prepped before undertaking the procedure. It takes a trained professional to determine which treatment one is ready to begin.

Heart centered hypnotherapy allows the patient to bypass the psychological defenses and gets straight to the experience and emotion. The fear that most people have about hypnotherapy is that they will not know what is going on or that they will not have control over their minds – this is untrue. Since the patient is fully conscious and talking with the therapist during their session, they can let the therapist know they want to end the session or go deeper into their experience.

Vibrational energy work is slightly different from psychotherapy and hypnotherapy. The focus on opening the energy centers in the body and has more of a spiritual focus. It requires the patient to go deep within him or herself and connect with their energy. They then learn how to refine and raise their own vibration. Having a higher energy vibration and refinement of light brings a sense of tranquility, peace and calm to the mind, body and soul. When the lower level energies are gone, it is easier for the mind to see its truth and care for itself better. It is a holistic treatment.

I hope this was helpful and wish you well in your journeys!


About Jinnie Cristerna

Jinnie Cristerna specializes in psychotherapy, mind-body work, hypnotherapy, Reiki, vibrational energy and leadership development services at International & Chicago’s High Achievers. She's one of the best in the business for executive mental health maintenance and emotional wellness. "The High Achievers Edge" provides readers with effective ways to develop their self-awareness and ability to self-correct. Click here to subscribe and connect with Ms. Cristerna today!